stop the stigma & stereotypes. stop the hate.

“The shootings in Atlanta on March 16 killed eight people. Six of the victims were identified as Asian and seven were women. At least four of those killed were of Korean descent.” - Asian American Journalist Association

The ignorance and thoughtless actions of our country are maddening. The increasing cases of violent acts against Asian American’s are disheartening and I’m in complete, utter disgust. The fact that newsrooms are just taking notice is embarrassing and disappointing.

The other day, I was driving with my daughter’s father when the dashboard prominently displayed “Stop Asian Hate” on the Spotify home screen. It was the first time he saw the words which was a strong indicator that the majority of the non-Asian population is not aware of what’s. taken place in the last 12. months. Even though sources like NextShark, Asian American philanthropists and voices have been speaking out since the start of the pandemic, it hasn’t reached the intended masses. It took the action of a misguided 21 year old killing eight individuals to generate a national headline and coverage of the horrific event. This is why I am taking it upon myself in writing this blog to educate as well as break stigmas and provide clarity on stereotypes.

At the start of the pandemic, I already felt a sense of uneasiness of being racially profiled as part of the ethnic group that “caused" the COVID outbreak. I remember talking to my close girlfriends in different cities about safety concerns and we joked about buying tasers and other weapons for self defense. In reality, we all purchased some sort of protection because we knew that we could easily be the next target of a hate crime being Asian and female — two attributes that should never make us feel at risk. It didn’t help that we had a president at the helm of our country condoning systemic racism and spreading vial descriptions such as “kung-flu” and “China virus” slurs. I’m 100% Chinese for those that aren’t aware and those words hurt deeply as I knew it would have an impact on the uneducated. Asians are discriminated against as much as any other minority group but it has remained historically invisible from mainstream media. Outside of this week’s shooting in Atlanta, can you recall the last Asian hate crime that was reported nationally? Keep in mind that there have been 3,800 Asian hate crimes that have been reported since March 2020.

The desire to write about my perspective really goes back to growing up in this country as the first generation of my family. My parents raised me and my brother right with discipline, morals, manners, and value but media portrayed white culture in a much more positive and rewarding light. Little did I know the impact of how it would affect my decisions and thought process at such a young age. I remember in elementary school, we had field day coming up and the teachers asked us to bring in white t-shirts to tie die. My mother gave me a shirt with a tag that had Chinese characters on it — I purposely didn’t write my name on it with the intention of it getting “lost”. Instead, I hoped that I would receive another person’s shirt that was branded Hanes, Fruit of the Loom or some other American brand… There was another day in second or third grade where the class was asked to bring in a dish from home for a pot luck. My mom made a large batch of fried rice and I cried because I was embarrassed to bring anything Asian to school… Another vivid memory that I had in elementary school was when a girl asked me, “What are you?” Her purpose was to inquire about my ethnicity but I just replied, “I’m American.” Children should be proud and embrace their culture especially if they come from diverse backgrounds but I clearly did not. I just knew I was “different” and wanted to fit in.

My parents were very traditional in mine and my brother’s upbringing. We were always compared to family friends’ kids to instill a friendly sense of competition and motivation. We were also classically trained on the piano and violin. Do I still play either instrument? Absolutely not but I look back and wish I continued practicing for the sake of the talent. B’s were looked down on while math and science were considered essential. I went to a magnet school for those subjects and passed with less than flying colors because my passion lied in fine arts. Shoes always came off before you stepped foot indoors and dishwashers were meant to serve as drying racks. While they were very strict, it was all with good intention to raise humble, yet hardworking children to make them proud. At no point in my childhood was there ever a conversation about how we were different or that we were the minorities that needed to overcome hardships. We had it ingrained in our minds to always treat elders with respect and understand the culture of where we came from. My point in all of this is to emphasize that our parents’ generation is very traditional, respectful, and reserved. The crimes against elderly Asian Americans is not only disgusting but completely barbaric. Most have immigrated to this country with very little and have worked extremely hard to provide for their families. How can there be such ignorance in blaming and harming a complete stranger because of a false, uneducated, xenophobic belief?

Asian women are hyper-sexualized and seen as submissive, docile, as well as naive. Just because we have been historically raised to not be outlandish, overly expressive, or excessive does not mean we are any of those stereotypes. I have worked so hard in my sixteen years of being in corporate America to break the stigma that I am “too nice”, “too quiet”, and generally didn’t given my opinion or celebrate enough personal wins. I don’t talk over others but will certainly state my opinion when I have one. I’ve also worked to alter the perception that others have of me but it took commitment and time. Stepping outside my comfort level, breaking out of my introvert nature has not been easy by any means but I set the intentions when I was in the infancy of my career. It dawned on me when I recently attended a virtual event for Asian Americans that we tend to be perceived as quiet and meek. We let others take credit of our wins and celebrations which ultimately works against us. However, it’s not for a lack of caring - we would just rather enjoy the sense of accomplishment which outweighs the public praise and recognition.

I wouldn’t say my story of growing up as an Asian American is original. In fact, it’s probably very relatable regardless of your ethnicity. Why does our country exert so much energy in being xenophobic, racist, and violent? Our country should be lifting each other up and embracing diversity. Ask yourself how you can help educate and #StopAsianHate.